Excogitate

I wish things could turn out the way that I expect them to. It seems that I shouldn’t even bother having expectations anymore because I’m always let down. I don’t show it. Shit I don’t show all of stuff…but lately I’ve been opening up about how I feel and it’s all right here on Tumblr if anyone reads it. I don’t expect anyone to, that’s just ridiculous…guess the more I speak about how I feel, things get better for me but then I also realize how I view the world, how the world views me. After I post one of these kinds of message, I end up crying. I cry cause that’s just another part of me that people know about now, I’m more exposed to people, more able to get hurt. Doesn’t matter though, I’ve been in pain, I’ve been through Hell and back. I could do it all again for I care. Just searching for a little happiness is what drives me through everyday. Sometimes I find some and other days, nothing. Looks like those days of nothing are starting to outweigh the days I find some. Oh well though..I just need to stop caring about everything. YOLO right? It doesn’t matter, just live life like it’s your last huh? Well some people aren’t lucky enough to be able to say that cause they aren’t able to embrace life and look to make it it’s fullest…I’m scared I’m turning into one of those people. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore… /end

(Source: isaiahhhhhhh)